Sextionary

Demiromantic: little or no capacity to experience romantic attraction until a strong sexual connection is formed with someone, often within a sexual relationship.

Demisexual: little or no capacity to experience sexual attraction until a strong romantic connection is formed with someone, often within a romantic relationship.

Down low: typically referring to men who identify as straight but who secretly have sex with men. Down low (or DL) originated in, and is most commonly used by, communities of color.

Drag: Refers to people who dress in a showy or flamboyant way that exaggerates gendered stereotypes, often for entertainment purposes. 'Drag' is a term that is often associated with gay/lesbian communities and is often replaced with 'Drag King' and 'Drag Queen'. Some people who perform professionally outside gay/lesbian communities prefer the term 'male/female impersonator'.

Dyke: A lesbian. This term can be used as an insult, or reclaimed by lesbians as a positive term

Emotional attraction: a capacity that evokes the want to engage in emotionally intimate behavior (e.g., sharing, confiding, trusting, inter-depending), experienced in varying degrees (from little-to-none to intense). Often conflated with sexual attraction, romantic attraction, and/or spiritual attraction.

Fag, faggot: A gay man. This term can be used as an insult, or reclaimed by gay men as a positive term. Derived from the word faggot (literally 'small bundle of sticks'), an allusion to the Inquisition-era practice of burning people at the stake for suspected homosexual practices

Female-to-Male Spectrum (FTM): Generally used to refer to anyone assigned female at birth, but who identifies or expresses their gender as male all or part of the time. Some people prefer the term "transitioning to male", as this does not imply that they were once female-identified

Feminine-of-center: a phrase that indicates a range in terms of gender identity and expression for people who present, understand themselves, and/or relate to others in a generally more feminine way, but don’t necessarily identify as women or men. Feminine-of-center individuals may also identify as “femme,” “submissive,” “transfeminine,” etc.

Feminine-presenting: a way to describe someone who expresses gender in a more feminine way. Often confused with feminine-of-center, which generally include a focus on identity as well as expression.

Femme: A term that some queer people use to describe gender expression and/or social and relationship roles that are perceived by many as being feminine

Fluid(ity): generally with another term attached, like "gender fluid" or fluid sexuality, fluid(ity) describes an identity that may change or shift over time between or within the mix of the options available (e.g., man and woman, bi and straight).

Gay: A person who is mostly attracted to those of the same gender; often used to refer to men only. An umbrella term used to refer to the queer community as a whole, or as an individual identity label for anyone who is not straight (see LGBTQ and queer)

Gender: The social construction of conepts such as masculinity and feminity in a specific culture in time. It involves gender assignment (the gender designation of someone at birth), gender roles (the expectations imposed on someone on their gender), gender attibution (how others perceive someone's gender), and gender identity (how someone defines their own gender). Fundamentally different from the sex on is assigned at birth

Gender Attribution / Gender Perception: The process of making assumptions about another person's gender, based on factors such as choice of dress, voice modulation, body shape, etc. A related term is 'reading', which refers to the process where factors such as someone's body shape, voice, gender expression, etc are used to make assumptions about that someone's gender identity, sex assigned at birth, or sexual orientation. Making assumptions is a major cause of exclusion and disrespect towards others 

Gender Binary: The view that there are only two totally distinct, opposite and static genders (masculine and feminine) to identify with and express. While many societies view gender through this lens and consider this binary system to be universal, a number of societies recognize more than two genders. Across all societies there are also many folk who experience gender fluidly, identifying with different genders at different times

Gender Expression: How one outwardly manifests gender; for example, through name and pronoun choice, style of dress, voice modulation, etc. How one expresses gender might not necessarily reflect one's actual gender identity 

Genderfluid / Gender Fluid: a gender identity label often used by people whose sense of self in relation to gender changes from time-to-time. The time frame might be over the course of many months, days, shorter, or longer, but the consistent experience is one of change. A general descriptor for an individual's or society's ever-changing (i.e., "fluid") embodiment of gender, in the ways it affects us or we express it individually (e.g., someone might express gender fluidly), and/or in how it is socially constructed.

Gender Identity: One's internal and psychological sense of oneself as male, female, both, in between, or neither. People who question their gender identity feel unsure of their gender or believe they are not of the same gender as their physical body. Gender non-conforming, gender variant, or gender queer are some terms sometimes used to describe people who don't feel they fit into the categories of male or female. 'Bi-gender' and 'pan-gender' are some terms that refer to people who identify with more than one gender. Often bi-gender and pan-gender people will spend more time presenting in one gender and some time in the other. Some people choose to present androgynously in a conscious attempt to challenge and expand traditionally gender roles even though they might not question their gender identity 

Gender Neutrois: see agender

Gender Non-Conforming: The term refers to people who do not conform to society's expectations for their gender roles or gender expression. Some people prefer the term 'gender-variant' among other terms

Gender Policing: The imposition or enforcement of normative gender expressions of an individual who is perceived as not adequately performing, through appearance or behaviour, the gender that was assigned to them at birth. Gender policing can be done by peers, family, media, educators, institutions, and others. Gender policing may occur through ridicule, trivialization, exclusion or harrassment or, or violence towards, gender non-conforming folk. It may also occur through social messages that privilege cisgender expression and gender roles

Genderqueer: A term under the trans* umbrella which refers to people who identify outside of the male-female binary. Genderqueer people may experience erasure if they are perceived as cisgender. Genderqueer people who are perceived as genderqueer are often subject to gender policing. Related but not interchangeable terms include 'gender outlaw', 'gender variant', 'gender non-comformist', 'third-gender', 'bi-gender', and 'pan-gender' 

Gender Variant: someone who either by nature or by choice does not conform to gender-based expectations of society (e.g. transgender, transsexual, intersex, genderqueer, cross-dresser, etc). (See gender non-conforming)

Gynesexual / Gynephilic: ​being primarily sexually, romantically and/or emotionally attracted to woman, females, and/or femininity.

Hermaphrodite: an outdated medical term previously used to refer to someone who was born with some combination of typically-male and typically-female sex characteristics. It’s considered stigmatizing and inaccurate. See intersex.

Heteroflexible and Homoflexible: A term used by some to identify that they are primarily attracted to one gender but open to possible attractions or relationships with people of other genders

Heteronormative: the assumption, in individuals and/or in institutions, that everyone is heterosexual and that heterosexuality is superior to all other sexualities. Leads to invisibility and stigmatizing of other sexualities: when learning a woman is married, asking her what her husband’s name is. Heteronormativity also leads us to assume that only masculine men and feminine women are heterosexual.

Heterosexism: A system of attitudes, bias, and discrimination in favor of opposite-sex seuxality and relationships. This includes the assumption that everyone is, or should be, heterosexual and heterosexuality is inherently superior to homosexuality or bisexuality. Heterosexism also refers to organizational discrimination against non-heterosexuals or against behaviours not stereotypically heterosexual. One example of this might be a girl who is told that when she grows up she will have a husband and not presented with any other options to consider.

Heterosexual: A person who primarily feels physical and emotionally attracted to people of the 'opposite' gender; also sometimes referred to as 'straight'

Higher Burn Speed: term used in rope bondage; a higher burn speed means that you can pull the rope through a tie quicker with less chance of rope burns.

Homophobia: Fear or hatred of, aversion to, and discrimination against homosexuals or homosexual behavior. There are many levels and forms of homophobia, including cultural/institutional homophobia, interpsonal homophobia, and internalized homophobia. Many forms of homophobia are related to how restrictive binary gender roles are. An example of this might be a lesbian who is harassed with homophobic language for being perceived to be masculine. Many of the problems faced by lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people, including health and income disparities, stem from homophobia and heterosexism.

Homosexual: A person who is mostly attracted to people of their own gender. Because this term has been widely used negatively and/or in a cold and clinical way, most homosexuals prefer the terms 'lesbian', 'gay', or 'queer'. This [medical] term is considered stigmatizing (particularly as a noun) due to its history as a category of mental illness, and is discouraged for common use (use gay or lesbian instead).

Inclusive Language: The use of gender non-specific language (e.g. 'partner' instead of 'husband', or 'they' or 'ze' instead of 'she') to avoid assumptions around gender identity and sexual orientation, and to enhance the accessibility of information and services. Educational, social service, and health professionals are especially encouraged to use inclusive language until advised otherwise by the person they are talking to or about.

Immediate Service Submission: A submissive interested in immediate service is the type who will only act when given a specific order and will not act beyond the order given. They do not try to anticipate the wishes of their top but will stand to the side, patiently waiting for direct orders.

Internalized Homophobia: The experience of shame, guilt, or self-hatred in reaction to one's own feelings of sexual attraction for a person of the same gender.

Intersex: Intersex people may have: external genitalia which do not closely resemble typical male or female genitalia, or which have the appearance of both male and female genitalia; the genitalia of one sex and the secondary sex characteristics of another sex; or a chomosomal make-up that is neither XX or XY but may be a combination of both. 'Intersex' has replaced the term 'hermaphrodite', which is widely considered to be outdated, inaccurate and offensive. An intersex person may or may not identify as part of the trans* community, howevever the terms 'intersex', 'transsexual' and 'trans' are distinct and should not be used interchangeably.

Kink: unusual or unconventional sexual preferences or behavior. 

LGBT: Acronym used to refer to Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender people, interchangeable with GLBT, LGTB, etc. Additional letters are sometimes added to this acronym, such as LGBT1QQ2S to refer to Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersex, Queer, Questioning, and 2 Spirit folk. Making fun of the length of the acronym can have a trivializing or erasing effect on the group that longer acronyms seek to actively include

LGBT-phobia: A term used to include all forms of homophobia, lesbophobia, biphobia, and transphobia; queerphobia is also used

Lesbian: A woman who is primarily romantically and sexually attracted to women. The term originates from the name of the Greek island of Lesbos which was home to Sappho, a poet, teacher, and a woman who loved other women. Although not as common, sometimes the term 'gay woman' is used instead

Lesbophobia: Fear or hatred of, aversion to, and discrimination against lesbians or lesbian behavior. This can take place from outside the queer community, but may also be a product of stereotyping, internalized queerphobia, or misogyny within the queer community. An example of this may be a gay man who believes that all lesbians are aggressive

Lipstick lesbian:  Usually refers to a lesbian with a feminine gender expression. Can be used in a positive or a derogatory way. Is sometimes also used to refer to a lesbian who is assumed to be (or passes for) heterosexual.

Male-to-Female Spectrum (MTF): Generally used to refer to anyone assigned male at birth but who identifies or expresses their gender as female all or part of the time. Some people prefer the term 'transitioning to female', as this does not imply that they were once male-identified (Qmunity, 2015).

Masculine-of-center:  a phrase that indicates a range in terms of gender identity and expression for people who present, understand themselves, and/or relate to others in a generally more masculine way, but don’t necessarily identify as men. Masculine-of-center individuals may also often identify as “butch,” “stud,” “aggressive,” “boi,” “transmasculine,” etc.

Masculine-presenting: a way to describe someone who expresses gender in a more masculine way. Often confused with masculine-of-center, which generally include a focus on identity as well as expression.

Metrosexual: Often mistakenly thought to refer to a sexual orientation, this term is in face of a mix of the words 'heterosexual' and 'metropolitan'. It refers to a well-groomed style popular with non-queer men that was previously stereo-typically associated with queer men

MSM / WSW: men who have sex with men or women who have sex with women, to distinguish sexual behaviors from sexual identities: because a man is straight, it doesn’t mean he’s not having sex with men. Often used in the field of HIV/Aids education, prevention, and treatment.

Munch: an informal get together of kinky people to discuss ideas and interests, usually at a restaurant or some other casual spot

Mx: an honorific (e.g. Mr., Ms., Mrs., etc.) that is gender neutral. It is often the option of choice for folks who do not identify within the gender binary: Mx. Smith is a great teacher.

Oppositional Sexism: The belief that masculinity and femininity are rigid, mutually exclusive, categories. Also the idea that men should not display any behaviors or characteristics commonly associate with women, and vice versa

Outing Someone: Accidentally or intentionally publicly revealing another person's sexual orientation or gender identity without their permission. This can cause social, phyiscal, emotional, or economic danger for the person being 'outed'. Outing someone can sometimes be done as an act of hate

Pangender: Refers to people who identify and/or express the many shades of gender. Multi-gender and omni-gender are other terms that may be used

Panphobia: The fear and dislike of pansexuality. Panphobia exerts a powerful, negative force on the lives of pansexual people. Some examples of panphobia in action are disparaging jokes, verbal abuse, acts of violence targeted at pansexual people, or the dismissal of pansexuality as an inferior, invalid or irrelevant expression of sexuality. Pansexual people often face panphobia and discrimination in both queer and non-queer discourse. (This word also has a different and separate meaning: an irrational fear of everything)

Pansexual: a person who experiences sexual, romantic, physical, and/or spiritual attraction for members of all gender identities/expressions. Often shortened to “pan.” Omnisexual is another term that can be used.

Paraphilia: an magnetism to something that strays outside the typical or mainstream range of the sexual experience

Parental dominance: the type of dominant who leaves little choice for the submissive in any situation

Passing/To Pass: A term sometimes used to refer to the state of an LGBT person not being visibly recognizable as LGBT. This term is most commonly used in relation to trans* people. People who 'pass' may experience less queer-phobia and discrimination. Some LGBT people consider 'passing' to be very important for them, while others feel that choosing not to pass is an act of rejecting heterosexism, cissexism, and ciscentricism. 'Passing' is a contested term since it may connote 'a passing grade' or 'passing something illegitimate off', or it may imply external pressure to strive towards being 'fread' a certain way

Patriarchy: Patriarchy refers to a social system where the bulk of power, authority, and control in society is held by men. This assigns greater importance to male identities and issues than to people of other gender identities

PGPs: preferred gender pronouns. Often used during introductions, becoming more common as a standard practice. Many suggest removing the “preferred,” because it indicates flexibility and/or the power for the speaker to decide which pronouns to use for someone else.

Polyamory / polyamorous: refers to the practice of, desire for, or orientation toward having ethical, honest, and consensual non-monogamous relationships (i.e. relationships that may include multiple partners). Often shortened to “poly.”

Privilege: Refers to the social, economic and political advantages or rights held by people from dominant groups on the basis of gender, race, sexual orientation, social class, etc. For exmaple, men often experience privilege that people of other genders to not have

QPOC: An acroynm for Queer People of Color. Another term used is QTIPOC (Queer, Transgender, and Intersex People of Color). Queer people of color often experience intersecting oppressions on the basis of race, gender, sexual orientation, and other factors

Queer: A term becoming more widely used among LGBT communities because of its inclusiveness. 'Queer' can be used to refer to the range of non-heterosexual and non-cisgender people and provides a convenient shortheand for 'LBGT'. It is and is still used as a hate term and thus some people feel uncomfortable with it. Not all trans* people see trans* identities as being part of the term 'queer'

Queerphobia: A term used to include all forms of homophobia, lesbophobia, biphobia, and transphobia. Ther term 'LBGT-phobia' is also used and may more clearly express the idea of transpohobia

Questioning: A term sometimes used by those in the process of exploring personal issues of sexual orientation and gender identity as well as choosing not to identify with any other label

R.A.C.K: see: Risk Aware Consensual Kink

Rainbow Flag/Colors: A symbol of queer presence, welcome, and pride which represents the diversity of queer communities

Reactive Service Submission: Reactive service is when the submissive carefully observes their top, learns their habits and preferences, and begins to perform tasks in anticipation of their dominant's wishes, desires, and needs

Reclaimed Language: Language that has traditionally been used to hurt and degrade a community but which community members have relcaimed and used for their own. Reclaimed language can be extremely important as a way of taking the negative power out of a word, claiming space, and empowering oneself. However, reclaiming langue is also tricky and, depending on the context and the speaker, can be hurtful and dangerous. Some examples are 'dyke', 'fag', 'homo', 'queen', and 'queer'. Although these terms can be used in a positive way by those reclaiming them, it is still offensive to hear them used by others whose intent is to hurt. Although many LGBT people have relciamed these terms, there are still other LGBT people who consider any usage of these terms offensive, particularly by people who do not personally identify with those terms

Red Flags: warning signs that a potential partner may not be a safe person for you to play with

Risk Aware Consensual Kink: a credo that acknowledges that BDSM entails a certain degree of risk but still encourages safe and consensual play between two people

Roleplay: two or more people choosing to take on a different role or identity to act out a sexual or fetish fantasy or engage in a sexualized activity

Romantic attraction: a capacity that evokes the want to engage in romantic intimate behavior (e.g., dating, relationships, marriage), experienced in varying degrees (from little-to-none, to intense). Often conflated with sexual attraction, emotional attraction, and/or spiritual attraction.

Safe, Sane, Consensual: one credo that implies the practice of BDSM play that is consenting between two players and reduces the risk of unwanted or serious harm. Learn more about the safe, sane, and consensual philosophy.

Same gender loving (SGL): sometimes used by some members of the African-American or Black community to express an non-straight sexual orientation without relying on terms and symbols of European descent.

Sex: Refers to the biological characteristics chosen to assign humans as male, female, or intersex. It is determined by characteristics such as sexual and reproductive anatomy and genetic make-up. It can also mean the physical acts of intimacy that two people share.

Sex assigned at birth (SAAB): a phrase used to intentionally recognize a person’s assigned sex (not gender identity). Sometimes called “designated sex at birth” (DSAB) or “sex coercively assigned at birth” (SCAB), or specifically used as “assigned male at birth” (AMAB) or “assigned female at birth” (AFAB): Jenny was assigned male at birth, but identifies as a woman.

Sexual attraction: a capacity that evokes the want to engage in physically intimate behavior (e.g., kissing, touching, intercourse), experienced in varying degrees (from little-to-none, to intense). Often conflated with romantic attraction, emotional attraction, and/or spiritual attraction.

Sexual Orientation: Refers to a person's deep-seated feelings of sexual and romantic attraction. These attractions may be mostly towards people of the same gender (lesbian, gay), another gender (heterosexual), men and women (bisexual), or people of all genders (pansexual). Many people become aware of these feelings during adolescence or even earlier, while some do not realize or acknowledge their attractions (especially same-sex attractions) until much later in life. Many people experience sexual orientation fluidly, and feel attraction or degrees of attraction to different genders at different points in their lives. Sexual orientation is defined by feelings of attraction rather than behavior 

Sexual Preference: Refers to whomever one prefers to have sexual and romantic relationships with (homosexual, bisexual, heterosexual, pansexual, etc). It is sometimes used interchangeably with 'sexual orientation', but is considered by many to be inaccurate because the word 'preference' implies choice

Sex reassignment surgery (SRS): used by some medical professionals to refer to a group of surgical options that alter a person’s biological sex. “Gender confirmation surgery” is considered by many to be a more affirming term. In most cases, one or multiple surgeries are required to achieve legal recognition of gender variance. Some refer to different surgical procedures as “top” surgery and “bottom” surgery to discuss what type of surgery they are having without having to be more explicit.

Skoliosexual: being primarily sexually, romantically and/or emotionally attracted to some genderqueer, transgender, transsexual, and/or non-binary people.

Spiritual attraction: a capacity that evokes the want to engage in intimate behavior based on one’s experience with, interpretation of, or belief in the supernatural (e.g., religious teachings, messages from a deity), experienced in varying degrees (from little-to-none, to intense). Often conflated with sexual attraction, romantic attraction, and/or emotional attraction.

Spiritual abuse: "the act of making people believe - whether by stating or merely implying - that they are going to be punished in this life and/or tormented in hell-fire forever for failure to live life good enough to please God and thus earn admission to heaven"

SSC: see: Safe, Sane, Consensual

Stealth: a trans person who is not “out” as trans, and is perceived/known by others as cisgender.

Straight: a person primarily emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to some people who are not their same sex/gender. A more colloquial term for the word heterosexual.

Stud most commonly used to indicate a Black/African-American and/or Latina, masculine, lesbian/queer woman. Also known as ‘butch’ or ‘aggressive’.

Submissive: a person who surrenders physical and mental control within an intimate BDSM relationship, but is generally independent and in control of his or her life otherwise

Temporal summation: when repeated stimuli occurring within a brief time can have a cumulative effect on the body's nerves

Third gender: for a person who does not identify with either man or woman, but identifies with another gender. This gender category is used by societies that recognize three or more genders, both contemporary and historic, and is also a conceptual term meaning different things to different people who use it, as a way to move beyond the gender binary.

Top surgery: this term refers to surgery for the construction of a male-type chest or breast augmentation for a female-type chest.

Traditional Sexism: The belief that male gender identities and masculine gender expressions are superior to female and/or feminine ones

Transfeminine: This term may describe people who identify as trans*, and who identify their gender expression as feminine

Transgender (Trans, Trans*): Transgender, frequently abbreviated to 'trans' or 'trans*' (the asterisk is intended to actively include non-binary and/or non-static gender identities such as genderqueer and genderfluid) is an umbrella term that describes a wide range of people whose gender identity and/or expression differs from conventional expectations based on their assigned biological birth sex. Some of the many people who may or may not identify as transgendere, trans, or trans* include people on the male-to-female or female-to-male spectrums, people who identify and/or express their gender outside of the male/female binary, people whose gender identity and/or expression is fluid, people who explore gender for pleasure or performance, and many more. Identifying as transgender, trans, or trans* is something that can only be decided by an individual for themselves and does not depend on criteria such as surgery or hormone treatment status 

Transition: Refers to the process during which trans* people may change their gender expression and/or bodies to reflect their gender identity or sexual identity. Transition may involve a change in physical appearance (hairstyle, clothing), behaviour (mannerisms, voice, gender roles), and/or identification (name, pronoun, legal details). It may be accompanied by changes to the body such as the use of hormones to change secondary sex characteristics (e.g. breats, facial hair) 

Trans Man: This term describes someone who identifies as trans* and whose gender identity is male

Transmasculine: This term describes people who identify as trans* and who identify their gender expression as masculine

Trans-misogyny: Transphobia directed at trans* women and transfeminine folk that reinforces male power and privilege

Transphobia: The fear and dislike of, and discrimination against, trans* people. Transphobia can take the form of disparaging jokes, rejection, exclusion, denial of services, employment discrimination, name-calling and violence

Transsexual: A person whose sexual identity has moved from male to female or female to male. A transsexual person may change elements of their body through surgery or hormone treatment, but many transsexual people do not make any changes other than their sexual identity. Many folk feel that the word transsexual has medical overtones or is used inaccurately and so prefer the terms 'transgender', 'trans', or 'trans*' 

Transvestite: A medical term that was historically used to label cross dressing as a mental illness. THis term is outdated, problematic, and genderally considered offensive. A more inclusive and respectful term currently used is 'cross-dresser'

Trans Woman: This term may describe someone who identifies as trans* and whose gender identity is female

Two-Spirit (2-Spirit): A term used by some North American Aboriginal societies to describe people with diverse gender identities, gender expressions, gender roles, and sexual orientations. Dual-gendered, or 'two-spirited', people have been and are viewed differently in different First Nations communities. Sometimes they have been seen without stigma and were considered seers, child-carers, warriors, mediators, or emissaries from the creator and treated with deference and respect, or even considered sacred, but other times this has not been the case. As one of the devastating effects of colonization and profound cahnges in North American societies, many Two-Spirit folk have lost these community roles and this has had far-reaching impacts on their well-being (Qmunity, 2015).

Ze / Hir: Gender-inclusive pronouns used to avoid relying on a gender binary-based linguistic system, or making assumptions about other people's gender. An example of these terms being used in a sentence is "Ze talking to hir partner about pronouns". Some people instead choose to use plural pronouns such as 'they' and 'their', or similar options. An example of this would be "They talked to their partner about pronouns". Some use plural pronouns because they are more widely understood and able to be fluently used by most people. Others, such as omni-gender folk, feel that plural pronouns are most representative of their having more than one gender