5 Tips for Keeping Romance Alive

Keeping romance alive in a relationship can be a challenge for some couples. Romance tends to be easy when relationships are younger because we are often swept up in the passion of it all. It makes romantic ideas come easily. We are eager to do them in the excitement of the new relationship.

Over time, many couples complain of losing that spark. Romance all of the sudden doesn’t seem as spontaneous or easy and usually ends up happening less often. So what can we do? How can we keep that spark in our relationship?  We do can it by keeping a few key things in mind.

Romance Changes as Relationships Grow

It’s important to remember that as relationships grow, people mature, and things change that what romance occurs in a relationship may change too. What is considered romantic and appropriate for someone you’ve been seeing for a month is going to be different than the type of romance you want to show a committed partner of several years. People also tend to have different notions of what is romantic at different stages of a relationship. This is also going to vary from person to person.

The key to romance is really knowing what your partner likes and paying attention to the details. The source of romantic gestures is making someone feel special. People feel special when they feel their significant other listens to and cares about their thoughts. When we are listening to our partner’s immediate concerns, passions, and dreams, it becomes easier to know what they would find romantic. It becomes easier to know what gestures will be meaningful and appreciated. In the end, this means so much more than any standard romantic gesture.

Even when a person’s idea of romance is what is considered the typical things, such as flowers or chocolates, it is the fact that you know this and it was a deliberate choice that makes it special. It becomes a meaningful gesture, instead of a hollow one that hopefully lands well.

Keeping Romance Alive With Small Gestures

Not all romance is about large and sweeping gestures, or even about material gestures. Romance should not be measured by how much someone spent or some grandiose and public show of affection. Those are nice and they have their place but they are not the only ways to be romantic.

How we treat our partners on a day to day basis makes a difference in the overall sense of romance in the relationship. This could look like taking over a chore or making a cup of tea for a partner who’s had a rough day. It could be doing that small thing to make someone smile or laugh or maybe a special greeting or goodbye. Small things like this are so often overlooked but play an important role in making our partners, and us, feel valued and loved.

Breaking Routine

Life can get pretty busy! Our brains are also wired to give more attention to things that are new or novel over things that we are familiar with. It is this natural wiring of our brains that can work against keeping that spark of romance in our relationships. As our relationships grow, other things come up as priorities for our attention. Maybe it’s a new job, having kids, buying a house, or any other number of life changes. Our priorities are usually constantly shifting to meet the needs of our changing world.

We depend on our partners to be a stable source of support in our lives. In some cases, this sense of stability moves our priority away from other things dominating our attention. Our relationships quietly become a lesser priority without us even noticing most of the time.

Part of keeping romance in your relationship is recognizing that this can happen and making a choice to keep your partner a priority in your life. Keeping romance a priority for your relationship. If you and your partner have fallen into this pattern, do something different to shake things up. Do something that reminds each other what makes you great together and how much you appreciate them. For many people, spontaneity is often a component of romance so breaking routines in some way will be key.

Don’t Be Afraid to be Spontaneous… and Wrong

The risk of being spontaneous is that there’s a chance we could be wrong. We may have misread a hint dropped by our partner or maybe missed a hint entirely. There are plenty of stories of romantic mishaps caused by situations like this. So why take the chance?

Well as we mentioned, spontaneity and surprise are often important components for the romantic notions of some people. Many people enjoy being surprised by a loved one, especially when the surprise is on point.

When we are spontaneous, we are also putting ourselves out there. We are taking a risk. Brene Brown, a leading researcher in shame, joy, vulnerability, has come to the conclusion that we cannot experience joy or build trust without taking a risk and making ourselves vulnerable. It is in that act of being vulnerable that we have the opportunity to experience true joy and acceptance. It is a risk but it is a risk worth taking.

Attitude makes a big difference too. Don’t be afraid to have a little fun if things go wrong. If your partner cares for you, they will talk out anything that goes wrong or may even be able to laugh along with you. Having things go wrong does not need to be the end of the world or the end of your relationship. If it is, that suggests there are some more trouble areas in the relationship than may be existing on the surface.

Navigating Special Occasions

There are lots of different opportunities to celebrate love and connection. These occasions are as important as each person decides how important they are. Not everyone will feel that holidays, such as Valentine’s Day, or anniversaries are important; however, some people will deem this incredibly important. This is something each couple needs to decide for themselves.

If you and your partner are on opposing ends of whether or not it’s important, then consider how important it is to your partner. When we make light of things that are important to our partners, it can suggest to our partners that they are not important because we don’t care about what they feel is critical.

Compromise is key for couples who disagree about the importance of special occasions. We shouldn’t try to impose our ideas of romance onto our partners but hopefully, each person will want to help their partner feel special. The desire to make our partners feel valued may lead us to compromises on romance. It’s important that each person respects the consent and romantic desires of the other person.

Keeping Romance Alive Doesn’t Have to Be Hard

Romance will come easier to some people than others. Remember these tips and keep communication open. It doesn’t have to be an impossible or difficult question. Appreciate your partner and what they do for you, show them that they are valued, and it will be easier to keep that romantic spark alive for years to come.

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