It can be hard to get rejected and often we don’t get to know why. People usually feel awkward turning someone else down and don’t want to add to the sting by hurting your feelings by saying why. So how can we grow as people if we never find out why we are always being turned down? Some of us want to continue to grow as people and be successful with people we’re attracted to. When faced with consistent rejection where we aren’t told why all we can do is some introspection to try to figure it out on our own.
We can look at a number of different factors to help us figure out where we are going wrong. Things like who we are trying to pursue, how we present ourselves to others, and what we currently have to offer a potential partner all play into our success in dating. So let’s dig deeper into each of those!
Getting Rejected By Who? Identifying Your Type!
Most people tend to have a “type”. They are attracted to a certain kind of person with certain qualities. These qualities can range from physical, emotional, mental, ethical, financial, or social. We often don’t think about our attraction by breaking it down by individual qualities. Often our sense of attraction is a combination of different things from each of these aspects of a person. This can make it challenging for us when we first start to think critically about the types of people we pursue.
Why does this matter? Sometimes asking someone why they aren’t interested isn’t always an option. If we have a specific type and we feel that we are consistently being rejected by that type, it can become easier to start to identify the reasons for our lack of luck in love. We can look at what the preferences of our ideal type are. What kinds of things do they like? How do they react with people in different contexts? Is there a common type that you’re preferred type usually goes after? Examining these kinds of things can help give us a better idea or at least an educated guess as to why our affection may not be returned.
Once you have an idea you can decide what kind of changes you want to make. Should you pursue other people? Or should you make changes in yourself to reflect the types of things that attract your ideal type?
Are You Confident?
How we present ourselves to others does make a huge difference in how they see us. Whether we can interact with someone with calm confidence or nervous energy can impact how relaxed others are around us. Confidence makes a difference because people like to feel they can relax and enjoy the company of someone. If a person is full of anxious energy and the other person doesn’t know why that person is nervous, they may end up feeling anxious or nervous as well. It can be hard to relax. When looking for a romantic partner, everyone looks for someone who puts them at ease and makes them feel like they can put their guard down. Most people don’t want to be intimate with someone that makes them feel like they need to watch their back.
Confidence doesn’t just mean arrogance and taking control though. Many people think that confidence is only shown through making a big scene, taking control of every situation, and generally making oneself loud and a big deal. For some, this may be what confidence can look like but it is also what a lot of false or fake confidence looks like. And those who don’t fake confidence well are really easy to spot and even more offputting to people. Often people will describe this as “trying too hard”. That is a really common reason people get rejected.
The secret to real confidence is feeling comfortable with ourselves and who we are. So when we are interacting with someone, it’s best if we are relaxed and our authentic selves. We don’t have to put on a big show or pretend to be someone we are not to demonstrate how confident we are. If you are comfortable in your own skin, that feeling will come across to other people. That is the type of confidence that the majority of people respond the most positively to, regardless of if they realize it or not.
What Are People Looking For?
There is the old idea that a good relationship completes you. People describe love as filling their needs and making them complete. Our relationships don’t make us complete, we are whole people all on our own. People tend to describe it this way because they often can’t imagine a life without that partner. What that other person brings to their life makes their life better. It is often a collection of small things the partner does from providing emotional support to doing that one chore that you absolutely hate. We tend to look for partners that will fit in well with our life. We ultimately want someone who is going to fill those needs for us.
This is another aspect that people don’t tend to think about a lot intentionally but it does tend to impact their attraction to others. Relationships are a compromise and if someone feels that another person won’t meet a lot of their needs and might take a lot of energy away, most would say that it’s not a good fit. We make ourselves vulnerable to our romantic partners so we want to make sure that our partner is someone that can support us in the ways we need to be supported in order to feel safe and happy.
So when looking for a romantic partner, how are you presenting yourself to that person? Do they see you as someone that can fill the needs that they have? Are you only concerned with getting your own needs met? How this comes across to our love interest is going to make a big difference in how they respond to our advances.
Get Rejected & Take the Chance to Grow
Rejection doesn’t always have to be a negative thing. If someone isn’t interested in being with you, then saying no spares you both the time and energy of a bad relationship. If we do feel that we get rejected a little too frequently and it’s impacting our happiness, it can provide a chance to evaluate our lives and current needs. We can grow from these experiences to become more confident and well-rounded people.
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